All right, that article wasn't nearly as good as it could have been. So I wrote a better one:
Michael Scott = Dan Beebe
The guy who thinks he's in charge. He's not. In fact, he's really not much more than a punchline for everyone else. Also, this position was recently vacated.
Jan Levenson = Texas
The one who's really in charge. And just like UT, Jan will do whatever it takes to get to the top, even if that means engaging in some behavior that makes the rest of the office think she's little more than a well-paid Briles.
Jim Halpert = Oklahoma
Possibly the only sane one in the group, and really the only reason the whole thing hasn't yet blown up in the most spectacular way imaginable. Just like Oklahoma, what Jim really wants is to stay where he's worked for years, and where he's happy. On the other hand, the constant bickering and infighting going on all around him sometimes makes him want to just throw up his hands, leave the fools to themselves, and seek his fortune somewhere else. Sort of like his old girlfriend did, Karen Fillipelli (Nebraska).
Pam Beesly = Oklahoma State
Pam is the object of Jim (Oklahoma's) affection, and some people aren't sure why. A lot of people think Pam is a good catch and adds a lot to the atmosphere. Other people say she's just "work pretty," and her attractiveness is more a result of the crowd she hangs out with. Every once in awhile Pam will grab some national attention of her own, but before long everyone realizes she's little more than a minor character who's there for the benefit of the real star, Jim.
Dwight Schrute= Texas A&M
Dwight is easy to spot. He's the one making the outrageous claims that he's smarter, faster, and stronger than everyone else, despite looking like he would have trouble benching half the bar. Just like the Aggies, Dwight thinks the best way to prepare someone for the real world is to blindfold them, drive them into the middle of the country, throw them out of the car and let them find their way back home. Preferably naked. In both cases, this happens a lot more often than you would think. Dwight has poor social skills, which has led to him being the brunt of many a joke.
Angela = Baylor
They both take their religion a little too seriously. Like Baylor, Angela is someone you wish you could ignore, but for your own safety you just can't let them out of sight. Get on her bad side and she won't hesitate to stab you in the back. With a crucifix.
Andy Bernard = Texas Tech
Every once in awhile, Andy will inexplicably steal the spotlight from the main characters. More often than not, this is a result of his sucking up to his superiors. While at first you might think that Andy has an impressive resume (his alma mater has a nice endowment and a fairly reputable law school), upon further inspection it's clear that he spent most of his time in college getting hammered on Jagerbombs and Jack and Coke, debating with drunk girls what the definition of "no" is, and showing up for his exams hungover. His performance the last few seasons has been average, and feels increasingly forced.
Stanley Hudson = Kansas
Stanley would prefer to be somewhere else. Really anywhere else. Unfortunately, Stanley has hung out with this group for so long that at this point his options are pretty limited.
Ryan Howard = Kansas State
Originally thought of as just a fill-in, several seasons ago Ryan wildly exceeded everyone's expectations and suddenly found himself the man in charge of the entire company. Unfortunately, his fall was just as meteoric as his rise, and while he's still around, these days most of the time people just forget he exists.
Oscar = Missouri
Extremely talented, with no personality defects to speak of, one wonders why Oscar is still around when there are other opportunities he could take advantage of. Unfortunately, Oscar is constantly getting outperformed by Jim, who has a way of getting all the attention for himself. This usually leaves Oscar somewhere outside the spotlight.
Creed Bratton = Iowa State
Who? Oh, that guy? That guy's still around? Jesus. How did he even get a job here in the first place? Can't we just politely ask him to leave?
BONUS!
Phyllis = Colorado
As far as "sex appeal" goes, Phyllis definitely is not the most attractive of the group. Nevertheless, based more on her personality and intelligence rather than her appearance, she ended up winning the attention of Bob Vance (Larry Scott) and now finds herself married, and much more appreciated than when it was just her and the rest of the group. Angela especially used to look down on her as "whorish," but those days are over.
Karen Filipelli = Nebraska
Jim (Oklahoma) had a pretty serious thing going with Karen a while back. That was a long, long time ago. Karen, though, got tired of hanging out with all of Jim's headcase co-workers and tried to convince him they'd be better off somewhere else. Jim decided to stay with Pam and the rest of his friends. Karen went off somewhere else, is now the head of her own office, and makes about 4 times as much money as Jim.
