Paul in uhh
Active Member
Dear SMU Fans:
At some point this weekend you may rise from your cocaine-addled cloud of confusion that began sometime on Friday evening.
The fact that the substance was used in the first place isn’t a put down - we at TCU recognize that you as SMU fans do it to pay homage to the five professional sex workers who were killed* by your star running back, one Craig James.
Your dedication to their memory, however misguided it may be, serves as a touching reminder that we should all be better people. Thank you for that.
When indeed you begin to rise again from the sugar white ashes of your Friday evening stupor, do yourself a favor and by no means make the trip to Fort Worth. Stay east of belt line at a minimum, and preferably, interstate 35 also. And don’t even think of going into interstate 30.
I say these things as a cautionary tale.
In 2019, SMU won a tightly-contested affair over a team led by a true freshman quarterback making his first ever start to a game.
While I would congratulate your small and ultimately inconsequential program for such a gargantuan accomplishment - one that has very clearly defined your very existence for 24 months - I simply refuse to do so because of the way that your players and coaches showed their collective anuses (anii?) in the media during the postgame, and again in 2020, and again this week.
Rest assured, the inmates, or should I say addicts, will not be allowed to run the asylum again this weekend.
Max Duggan, for all of his faults, is not making his first start again. And we have many more players we will be introducing to your team as well.
I encourage you to just take Saturday off - maybe spend time reading about oil futures at your country club of choice while talking poorly about the staff - a proud SMU alum tradition - and let TCU handle the football game.
The last thing we want is for you to go on another binge and forget to go to work on Monday - like you’ve surely already done this year.
Cordially yours,
Paul in uhh
PS - Please keep the steroids away from Coach Kazadi. For the safety of all.
* “Allegedly.”
At some point this weekend you may rise from your cocaine-addled cloud of confusion that began sometime on Friday evening.
The fact that the substance was used in the first place isn’t a put down - we at TCU recognize that you as SMU fans do it to pay homage to the five professional sex workers who were killed* by your star running back, one Craig James.
Your dedication to their memory, however misguided it may be, serves as a touching reminder that we should all be better people. Thank you for that.
When indeed you begin to rise again from the sugar white ashes of your Friday evening stupor, do yourself a favor and by no means make the trip to Fort Worth. Stay east of belt line at a minimum, and preferably, interstate 35 also. And don’t even think of going into interstate 30.
I say these things as a cautionary tale.
In 2019, SMU won a tightly-contested affair over a team led by a true freshman quarterback making his first ever start to a game.
While I would congratulate your small and ultimately inconsequential program for such a gargantuan accomplishment - one that has very clearly defined your very existence for 24 months - I simply refuse to do so because of the way that your players and coaches showed their collective anuses (anii?) in the media during the postgame, and again in 2020, and again this week.
Rest assured, the inmates, or should I say addicts, will not be allowed to run the asylum again this weekend.
Max Duggan, for all of his faults, is not making his first start again. And we have many more players we will be introducing to your team as well.
I encourage you to just take Saturday off - maybe spend time reading about oil futures at your country club of choice while talking poorly about the staff - a proud SMU alum tradition - and let TCU handle the football game.
The last thing we want is for you to go on another binge and forget to go to work on Monday - like you’ve surely already done this year.
Cordially yours,
Paul in uhh
PS - Please keep the steroids away from Coach Kazadi. For the safety of all.
* “Allegedly.”
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