WhiteHispanicFrog
Curmudgeon
What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
National Tell A joke day
- Thread starter CryptoMiner
- Start date
Paint It Purple
Active Member
Just wondering where she is today?
Purp
Active Member
What does toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
They both circle Uranus wiping out Klingons.
4 Oaks Frog
Active Member
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper says,”You have a drink named Fred?”
GO FROGS!
BEAT EVERYBODY!
Spit Blood ~~<~<and [Baylor asshoe]!!
GO FROGS!
BEAT EVERYBODY!
Spit Blood ~~<~<and [Baylor asshoe]!!
Horny4TCU
Active Member
Guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there he is surrounded by clouds and a ladder. He sits down and waits for a while in the quiet still peace, when all of a sudden a beautiful brunette is standing next to him. She says, "Hi welcome to Heaven. There are many levels and this is the first. You can stay here with me for eternity making love or climb the ladder to success. But I must warn you, if you climb the ladder you cannot come back down."
Being a gambling man, the guy decides to take a chance. He replies, "It would be great to stay with you, but I'm climbing the ladder."
The next level an even more good looking redhead comes out of no where with the same spiel. "Stay here with me making love for eternity, or climb the ladder to success." The guy is blown away at how hot this redhead is, but he is curious. He say's, "You're beautiful, but I have to climb the ladder."
On the next level, a beautiful blonde appears. She is perfect in every way. And she says, "Stay here with me making love for eternity, or climb the ladder to success."
The guy gets greedy, and thinks to himself, if she is this much hotter than the brunette and redhead, what's next? Then says, "I'm going up the ladder."
There he is on the next level, no blonde, no brunette, no redhead... nothing, not even a ladder. He sits down and waits. Then waits some more. Then he sees a figure off in the distance. It is slowly approaching. As the figure gets closer, he sees its a man. When the man is finally next to him, the man introduces himself, "Hi, I'm Cess."
Being a gambling man, the guy decides to take a chance. He replies, "It would be great to stay with you, but I'm climbing the ladder."
The next level an even more good looking redhead comes out of no where with the same spiel. "Stay here with me making love for eternity, or climb the ladder to success." The guy is blown away at how hot this redhead is, but he is curious. He say's, "You're beautiful, but I have to climb the ladder."
On the next level, a beautiful blonde appears. She is perfect in every way. And she says, "Stay here with me making love for eternity, or climb the ladder to success."
The guy gets greedy, and thinks to himself, if she is this much hotter than the brunette and redhead, what's next? Then says, "I'm going up the ladder."
There he is on the next level, no blonde, no brunette, no redhead... nothing, not even a ladder. He sits down and waits. Then waits some more. Then he sees a figure off in the distance. It is slowly approaching. As the figure gets closer, he sees its a man. When the man is finally next to him, the man introduces himself, "Hi, I'm Cess."
FinanceFrog
Full Member
if america storms area 51 then the europeans can storm the vatican.
americans get the aliens while europeans get the predators.
americans get the aliens while europeans get the predators.
Paint It Purple
Active Member
Haha! It took me a minute.
2314
Active Member
Q - Have you ever seen Hellen Keller's house?
A - Neither has she.
Leap Frog
Full Member
Woman wants to remove hair from her dog, so asks druggist for his strongest dipilitory (sp).
Druggist suggests one, but " if used for underarms, don't wear silk blouse for 2 weeks".
She replied that wasn't what the use would be.
"Well, if used for legs, don't wear silk hose for 2 weeks".--"not that either".
She then says"If you must know, I want to use it on my Schnauzer".
"Oh! okay, simply don't ride your Honda motorcycle for 2 weeks".
Druggist suggests one, but " if used for underarms, don't wear silk blouse for 2 weeks".
She replied that wasn't what the use would be.
"Well, if used for legs, don't wear silk hose for 2 weeks".--"not that either".
She then says"If you must know, I want to use it on my Schnauzer".
"Oh! okay, simply don't ride your Honda motorcycle for 2 weeks".
BleedNPurple
Active Member
* The Doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
yurintroubl
Active Member
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
Because they're shellfish.
yurintroubl
Active Member
Last one from me....
What do you call 2 worms doing 69?
11
What do you call 2 worms doing 69?
11
Limp Lizard
Full Member
Why do ducks have flat feet?
From stamping out grass fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
From stamping out flaming ducks.
From stamping out grass fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
From stamping out flaming ducks.
Limp Lizard
Full Member
Overheard in divorce court in the case of Mickey vs Minnie Mouse
Judge: Mr. Mouse, I don't see how calling Mrs. Mouse insane is proper grounds for divorce.
Mickey: I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was (bleep)-ing Goofy!
Judge: Mr. Mouse, I don't see how calling Mrs. Mouse insane is proper grounds for divorce.
Mickey: I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was (bleep)-ing Goofy!
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Frogcrates
Active Member
I built this bar with my own two hands. But do they call me “McGregor the Bar Builder?” No!
I built that stone wall out there. Laid each stone through rain and cold. But do they call me “McGregor the Wall Builder?” No!
I built that pier! Laid it out over the raging waters plank by plank. And do they call me “McGregor the Pier Builder?!” No!
But you darn ONE goat...
I built that stone wall out there. Laid each stone through rain and cold. But do they call me “McGregor the Wall Builder?” No!
I built that pier! Laid it out over the raging waters plank by plank. And do they call me “McGregor the Pier Builder?!” No!
But you darn ONE goat...
Purp
Active Member
McGregor sounds like he's the 12th man.
tcudoc
Full Member
I heard that one years ago as “Luigi the Bridge Builder/Architect?” and a different ending.
